Let’s be real: every town has its quirks—but Lorain? Lorain’s got personality. When we asked, “If Lorain had a town slogan, what would it be?” the responses were everything we hoped for: savage, hilarious, and weirdly poetic.
Here are 31 brutally honest and painfully accurate slogans that only a true Lorainite could come up with.
**1. “Wen it Lorains, it pours.”
Because when it rains, it floods Broadway, knocks out power, and ruins your alignment. Literal and emotional downpour included.**
2. “Come for the potholes, stay for the bike lanes.”
You may lose a tire, but hey—you’ve got a bike lane to limp home in. Progress?
3. “Got a Newport?”
More than a slogan—it’s the unofficial greeting of Lorain.
4. “Back stabbers.”
Short. Sharp. Local politics in two words.
5. “We’re not Elyria.”
And proud of it. Shade has been thrown. Mic has been dropped.
6. “Drugs, thugs, and a BIG ass Easter basket.”
It’s giving chaotic energy… and honestly, it kind of slaps.
7. “Slum City.”
Not trying to win any beauty pageants—just speaking our truth.
8. “Bulletproof vest required.”
Dress code: casual, with a side of tactical.
9. “Home of STDs and bullet holes.”
Add fireworks and you’ve got a full holiday weekend.
10. “The best heroin your neighbor’s catalytic converter can buy.”
The economy’s complicated. Don’t ask questions.
11. “Where potholes come to retire.”
They’re not just potholes—they’re family now.
12. “The city where even the bike lanes are hard.”
Just like the residents—tough, slightly cracked, and built to survive.
13. “If you come here on vacation, you’ll leave on probation.”
Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
14. “Beggars Paradise.”
Where panhandling meets premium real estate on every intersection.
15. “We aren’t Detroit… but we tried.”
Gold star for effort. Bronze medal for infrastructure.
16. “The dump of it all.”
You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll swerve to miss a mattress in the road.
17. “City of Lorain – KEEP OUT.”
Might as well slap it on a billboard. Honesty is refreshing.
18. “Beautiful shoreline, people… not so much.”
Stunning views. Questionable attitudes.
19. “From Steel City to Steal City.”
Industrial collapse, but make it poetic.
20. “We showed Ford!”
And Ford showed us the exit sign.
21. “Welcome to Broadway. Nothing here but signs.”
Great for photo ops. Not so great for, you know, businesses.
22. “We used to leave our doors unlocked…”
Now you’re triple-bolting and praying the Ring cam catches something.
23. “Home of crack and smack.”
The tourism board definitely skipped this submission.
24. “We rock on the river!”
Hey, some people are still holding on to the good vibes—and we love them for it.
25. “All holes lead here.”
It’s either a road condition or a time loop. Possibly both.
26. “$20 is $20.”
A Dave Chappelle reference and a survival strategy all in one.
27. “Where potholes are considered historic landmarks.”
Honestly, they’ve been here longer than most buildings.
28. “Home of the 3 baby daddy minimum.”
Romance. Local flavor. Judge not, lest ye be judged.
29. “Don’t come here.”
Direct. Effective. Possibly reverse psychology?
30. “The International City… of Regret.”
They left out the second part for branding purposes.
31. “Lorain: Come on ya big dummy, give the politicians your money!”
Catchy. Rhymes. Belongs on a campaign button… or a protest sign.
Honorable Mention: “Lorain Proud.”
Because under all the chaos, cracked concrete, and dark humor—there’s still a flicker of pride trying to shine through.
So what’s the real slogan? Maybe it’s “Lowrain,” maybe it’s “Come for the potholes, stay out of the library,” or maybe—just maybe—it’s “We’re trying.” Either way, Lorain keeps it real. Always has. Always will.
I loved # 24 We Rock the River!